Controversy Time: Finding your purpose is B.S.
The perma-tanned gurus preach how important knowing your calling is…
Every personal development book starts with discovering what you’re here to do.
And if you’re not someone who “just knows” – you’re shit out of luck.
You didn’t get the lightning bolt of inspiration? ⚡️
Life’s on pause until you do.
What’s supposed to be motivational, makes you feel useless. Life’s slipping away and you’re on the sidelines watching it happen.
You still feel moved to do SOMETHING, but you’re confused about what to do.
Well, here’s what the glow-white teeth gurus aren’t telling you…
How To Be Happy & Fulfilled Without a Purpose
You can be happy without finding your purpose and I’ll show you how.
This will work even if you…
- Don’t have a clue what you’re here to do
- Have a big fat hole inside you
- Have been guessing your way through life, hoping it will become clear
- Doing work you hate (because you don’t know what else to do)
- Feel lazy, lost, guilty and useless
- Say things like “No one will pay me to sit on the couch watching Netflix”
- Are always tired, even after sleeping lots and doing little
Before I tell you how, let me share with you how I discovered this…
The #1 Mistake People Make When They Start Searching For Meaning
I’m the guy who…
- Has 50 unread books and still buys more
- Takes EVERY online quiz (I know what type of Shark I am – Hammerhead 😆)
- Flew across the world to attend a seminar I couldn’t wait to come to me
- Regularly spent a months rent on mentors and coaches
After all of that, I’m still no clearer on my purpose. I have vague ideas, like:
- Protect the Vulnerable
- Help 10,000 People Quit 9 to 5
- Launch an entrepreneurship academy
- Open an Animal Sanctuary
Maybe none of them are my purpose, maybe all of them.
At this point I still don’t know.
And it’s always been like that. Here’s the problem with all this searching:
With every piece you uncover, you go on another search.
You eternally ask yourself “what is my purpose?” What is my passion?
The cycle is toxic:
Despite that, there’s an alternative that no one’s talking about.
It reveals how to be happy without knowing your purpose (from a noted psychologist – not some guy off the internet).
Its the path to happiness, joy and meaning. It enables you to find your why and stop asking yourself “how do I find my calling?”.
Here it is…
What Everyone’s Getting Wrong About Finding Their Calling
I was re-reading the inspirational “Mans Search For Meaning” by Viktor Frankl and this quote leapt off the page at me:
“Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognise that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.”Mans Search For Meaning, Viktor Frankl
“Each man is questioned by life”
“He can only respond by being responsible”
Mic drop. 🎤
I think Frankl is saying that life shows you what’s important and you decide to go on that journey or not.
- Did you suffer domestic abuse? Do you want to help others avoid the same fate?
- Drawn to the arts? You might dedicate yourself to that
I think it also reveals the idea you have to find your purpose is a myth.
Smoke and mirrors to keep you searching while the personal development industry milks you for more money.
💻 More courses
📚 More books
👩🏫 More “online masterclasses”
Or if I’m being real – more suffering, more self-doubt, more feeling lost.
So instead of chasing a ghost, try this instead…
How To Be “Smile So Hard Your Cheeks Hurt Happy” Without A Purpose
Life gets really good when you feel useful.
When you’re dedicated to something greater than yourself.
To feel joy, figure out what to commit to and start. Even if it’s only for now.
Here’s how you do that…
Step #1 – Stop Searching, Start Listening
If like Viktor Frankl says “life demands a purpose from you” – stop searching and start listening.
Forget the “bolt of lightning, here’s your purpose bomb” moment. Instead, watch out for the gentle cues in your life: The curiosities, the recurring events.
In those moments, you find the work, people, careers and causes that matter.
After 10+ years of searching, I found this shift brought me far more peace and happiness.
You can get the same (if you complete the exercises on this page).
Step #2 – Forget Fancy
Your purpose doesn’t need to win you a Nobel Peace prize.
You’re not Elon Musk (unless you’re reading this Elon, big fan here) whose purpose is to “Save Humanity”.
If you’re genuinely called to do something that big, more power to you.
But don’t choose something you:
- Think sounds good to other people
- You won’t be able to make a dent in
It’ll only demotivate you and make you feel like a failure. 😩
Instead, keep it simple.
Focus on how you live as a person. Things you can act on right now, like today.
It could mean being the best mother like Rose Kennedy (mother to JFK and Bobby Kennedy).
Or maybe you find purpose in healing others. You can do that by:
- Saying kind words
- Sending thoughtful text messages
- Sending books to people who need help
- Any other small gestures of care
- Living from your heart
Stay with simple. By doing that, you can live your values every day. You can make a difference in the world.
That boosts your self-esteem more than any $97 “Unlock The Confidence Code” course ever will.
Alright still with me?
Good work champ. Let’s get into the practical stuff…
How To Forget About Finding Your Purpose
At this point, you might be sold on forgetting about your purpose.
But you might still have questions…
Don’t worry, you’ll soon start your journey toward the stuff that matters.
I can’t promise that what you decide will last forever. But it’ll be what you need to do right now. 🛣
And anyway, you can always come back to this process later when it’s time to figure out your next direction.
OK, grab a coffee and get ready to answer some questions.
1. What Are Two Qualities I Most Enjoy Expressing in the World?
Here’s a list of personal qualities and values. Choose two that resonate most.
Got too many? Use the “this or that” process:
- Let’s say you’re trying to decide between compassion and curiosity. If I force you to choose one, which would win?
- Do that for everything on your list.
- Compare them against each other, until you’re left with two.
Get it? Write your two.
Now, let’s take a journey down memory lane…
2. Make a List of Your Heroes
Throughout your life, you’ve had heroes.
As a kid, maybe it was Batman or your favourite sportsman?
As you aged, who did you admire? Who did you want to be like?
Who influenced you (even if you thought you could never be as great as them)?
For me, it was…
- Judge Dredd – Protected the innocent and dished out justice
- Ryan Giggs – Man United Winger and a great professional
- Cristiano Ronaldo – Another Man United Winger with a relentless work ethic
- Jay Abraham – Marketing Legend responsible for over $1bn in sales
- Dr John Demartini – Genius whose changed millions of lives (mine included)
Once you have your list, look for what’s common.
From my list, it would be:
- High-achievers – Successful in their field
- Came from “Normal” Backgrounds – Attainable for someone like me
- Stayed Humble – Didn’t become a dick when they made it
- True Professionals – Hard working, dedicated to mastering their craft
- Brought Joy To Others – Made the world a better place
Make a list of what’s common among your heroes.
Now ask yourself this…
Have these traits have shown up in your life? 🔍
Even if you haven’t achieved as much, have these qualities appeared at times?
For example, I…
- Strive for success in everything I do
- Help people from normal backgrounds become successful
- Make a point of treating everyone equally
- Always act professionally
- Put the work in to be the best
- Try to make the world better
I don’t have billions of pounds, nor am I famous – but the qualities of my heroes are alive in me. They give me meaning.
What about you?
Make a list of your heroes qualities that are present in your life.
Note: Not the ones you wish were present, the ones that are present.
OK, time to switch tracks.
3. What’s Your Favourite Flavour of Shit Sandwich? 💩
Yup, I said shit sandwich (thanks to Mark Manson for this question).
The shit sandwich concept is simple: Everything sucks some of the time.
Whatever you do, you’ll invest a lot of your time into it.
Your work accounts for 90,000 hours of your life – that’s 10 years.
And it won’t be all coffee and cupcakes (sorry).
- You’ll have to kiss some dickheads ass
- A good amount of your work will suck
- You’ll have to do work you know is pointless
- Clients will fire you
And if you don’t care enough about it, you’ll jack it in rather than keep going.
So ask yourself this…
What am I willing to work on 10 hours a day, every day, even when the work sucks?
Me? I’ll always make time to learn, teach and travel.
Even if I have to read boring books, write a (hopefully not boring) book and queue for hours in airports.
Bottom line: If it’s meaningful for you, you’ll push through the tough stuff.
Here’s how you know if it matters to you…
4. What Makes You Forget To Eat and Poop?
Another from the homie Manson.
This one comes from the study of “flow states” – the rare moments you’re hyper engaged and killing it with little effort.
- What do I do, where hours pass and it feels like minutes?
- Where I forget everything else and go into my own world?
And yes, where you forget to eat and poop.
That’s it – You’re all done.
Life After Forgetting About The Search For Purpose
I pray your endless search finding your purpose is over and you realise:
- There’s nothing wrong with you
- You can unpause your life
- You don’t have to wait to figure out what you’re here to do
I sincerely hope you start to move forward – even if you’re only 70% sure it’s what you’re supposed to do.
Often just walking the path reveals the next turn for you to take.
Do the work, trust your gut and start walking my friends. 👣
The destination is worth it.
P.S. Still stuck? Reach out to me and I’ll help you (for free).